People Don't Change. (Or do they?)

I was recently chatting with someone who said to me, “People don’t change.”

I’m sure you’ve heard this before. There’s a good chance you believe it too. Simply because, many of us do. Usually, we’ve experienced something/someone that has made us think other people don’t change no matter how much they want to or try to.

My challenge to that is this: what do you mean by “people”?

Is it that a person doesn’t change who they are? Or what they are? Or something else?

Well, neuroplasticity shows us that we literally can change.

We can change “what” we are — if what we are is what we do and how we show up because of how our brain is wired.

And if “who” we are is how we decide to come out into the world — then we can decide to be someone else if we want to, thus changing that too.

When combined, we can indeed “change”.

The reason many people don’t is because at a certain point, usually around a certain age, we need intense consciousness to do it - we don’t grow unconsciously anymore after a certain point.

Maybe another reason we care so much is because some of us want so badly to change others. It’s important to understand:

People can’t be changed by others. They can be helped, but they must decide to change themselves.

As leaders, this perspective - in all of its parts - is vital for success.

Fundamentally, without impacting, galvanising, organising, or supporting other people, you aren’t a leader. Whether you’re leading top-down, bottom-up, or peer-to-peer, another person must be in the equation.

You must have the belief that people can change, and the desire to help them change themselves, but with the ability to step back from their process of change and let them lead their own growth.

Therefore, the only person you can change is yourself - so it’s also your responsibility to do so. To believe that you can change. And therefore, that others can too.

A great way to try this is to just be the person you’d like to be. Just do the thing. And see how you feel; see what happens.

In the Tao Te Ching, Laozi writes, “Those who are good I treat as good. Those who are not good I also treat as good. In doing so I gain in goodness. Those who are of good faith I have faith in. Those who are lacking in good faith I also have faith in. In doing so I gain in good faith.”

So, show up as the person with goodness, with faith, and/or with whatever else is important to you. Notice how it makes you feel - even if that’s challenging. And enjoy the process of change taking place within. It’s making you more of who you want to be.

Lots of love, and here’s to your success! - Seven

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About Seven

Hey friends! I’m Seven - I write about challenges and opportunities affecting leaders across business. I release a weekly newsletter and a podcast, helping folks understand the leadership journeys and challenges out there, so we can better understand our purpose, place, and potential. The goal: to learn about what it means to be a leader, to support leaders, to find leaders, and to discover the leader within.

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Lots of love, and here’s to your success!